Sunday, 31 December 2017

The Things I'm Really Grateful for This Year

If you've read any of my 'end of year' blog posts before, you'll know I'm not the biggest fan of faddy resolution posts. This year I've also been watching people scramble to pick their three biggest achievements to post on a viral quote tweet, and I'm not sure I dig that either. It's great to shout about your successes if you're proud, so don't let me stop you. But if you're feeling pressured to come up with something impressive or you're finding that despite being happy for others, you can't help but compare your personal story with theirs, then know that you're not alone.

I don't want to shout about the fact that my only real achievement this year was that I completed a second course of CBT, after my mental health got pretty out of control, and that the panic attacks don't snatch my breath away from me nearly as often as they did only a few months ago. I don't want to talk about how much I've struggled. I'm just glad I've come out the other side of it, whether it's the end of the year or not.

I don't talk about this stuff a huge amount online because I feel like there are already plenty of people sharing their similar stories more articulately than I ever could. I've already allowed anxiety and depression to dominate my life and thoughts outside of this space and I finally feel like I'm on top of it, so I'll be damned if I let the bastard invade all of my writing too. 

So yes, I found 2017 pretty rough going, but there will be plenty who found it far worse. I'm grateful for my own resilience, and I'm grateful for the people who have supported me. I feel like I've changed and grown an awful lot, so I'm thankful for that, too. I've learned what I should and shouldn't give my time and energy to in order to stay 'sane' and get back on track. I've realised my own worth and am starting to embrace the fact that I'll always feel like a black sheep. I'm also grateful for medication and therapy and YouTube yoga routines and endless Netflix reruns of That '70s Show'. And Krispy Kreme donuts - whoever said you can't eat your problems was totally wrong.

Despite the above probably reading a little bit like the 3am tumblr post of an emo teenager, I'm actually feeling positive about 2018. I'm going to spend the first few months of the new year working on my confidence and trying new things, making up for all the time I spent in a negative head-space this year. 


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